Greetings from Ghost Sister

Happy Halloween!

It's all smooth sailing from here

Grow old with me!  The best is yet to be.  ~Robert Browning

Our Tosh turns twenty-one! I remember thinking, when he was born, about how cool it would be to be such a young mom - when he turns eighteen I will only be thirty-six! The years since then have been swift and cloudless, the way I think of my own childhood. It always seemed if I couldn't recall any difficulty or stress or hairy moments, then it must have been a damn good time. 

I wonder what Tosh thinks when looking back at his childhood. Was it as good as I remember it for him? Does he remember laughing? Does he remember making tiny bike ramps and struggling to drop in? Does he remember hikes and snuggling on the couch?

In many ways I grew up with Tosh. Being his mom gave me the opportunity to be a grown up shall we say, at an accelerated pace. In that way my mind plays tricks sometimes, when I can't separate moments of my youth from his. But that is okay, because it reminds me that he has been part of me the longest, and I have always been grateful to know and love this sweet, loving, happy boy who is still the same, only now a man. Happy Birthday Tosh!

The Sound of Flight, and Determination

As I expected the advent of fall relegates my summer running to the top shelf in a dusty hallway closet, if I had one. It has been beautiful out the last few days so my efforts to replace running with hiking have become more possible. I took a few hours of comp time to go to the woods and found these tiny mushrooms. They were on the top and sides of a big log that had fallen across the trail, persevering along their tiny way. The caps may have been about as big as a fingernail. What did they have to overcome to come to be?
I think about their smallness, the wet conditions, a fallen log. As if being small alone makes it more difficult to exist. But then, if the conditions were right, then the coming-to-be of some tiny mushrooms must have been effortless.
I think there is a lesson for me here but I am not sure what it is - could it be that if I lay the groundwork in my life correctly, the goal can be reached without struggle? Do the challenges make the goal more worthwhile? Or, don't forget to carry an umbrella?
I just don't know what the lesson is but I was filled with delight at having noticed. This hike gave me another sparkling moment, when I heard a bird above me. I heard it flying, with each flap of its wings a separate whoosh. I don't know about you, but I've never heard that before.

I feel like this today. I would like to celebrate but wish my arms were longer. I have a wide smile but it looks a bit plastic in the blur and whirl of this busy life. My eyes are glazed with the confusion of impending change. My inherent nature will always look for the sun, which remains where it has always been - constant, gentle, certain.